Sunday, June 13, 2010

A Review: Killers

Considering this director, I'm not really surprised by what I just saw. Robert Luketic is the directorial equivalent to drinking a glass of water spiked with Visine. 

When you hear that Ashton Kutcher is staring in a film, where he plays a unnamed agency, uh... agent, who marries Heigl, who doesn't know he is one, and then goes on some sloppy adventure with him, becoming his suedo-side-kick in the process... What do you think? Good action-comedy, bad action-comedy? Shit? Terrific? Drivel? Yes ma'am? 

I'm not here to say, but I do get paid (wishful thinking) to state my own opinion of what I think and feel after viewing a film, or movie. In this case, I do not believe I saw either, but a disaster akin to a motorcycle smashing into a car, or even, that kid who got blasted in the face by the unknowing break dancer. Yeah... That's how I feel. This film is like a swift kick to the chin. Only the kick keeps kicking you again and again, for 100 fucking minutes. 

And then it's over. 

But wait! There's more!

Heigl has the ability to look pretty good sometimes. She knows how to flash a very killer (pun intended) smile while looking away from the intended person (always so sexy). The white dress she wears on the first date she has with Kutcher in this is a good example of the times where she's looking better. I explain this to you, because it's very easy to look past that detail, when how dorky and socially awkward she acts is punching you in the face until the blood spills from your nose and stains your favorite dress shirt. (Using a robot voice in the first ten seconds of the first date, is never a good idea) Why o' why, does he like her so much?! Oh yeah, this is a Rom-Com with summer blockbuster hopes. (Ha Ha! Good luck) Now all the very poor choices in this script make sense. The production value isn't so bad, and the location shooting looks cool, sorta. The action in the film is like the jokes Shakespeare would slip into his plays for the dumb, dirty commoners to laugh at, to keep them in their seats (actually they would stand most times), but not enough to redeem the whole play. Ya know? 

But none of those are redeeming enough to make this watchable for any reason what so ever in any plain of time or space.

Kutcher has a few fleeting moments, where he conviced me he can really do something cool, if given the chance. But taking a look at the stuff he's been doing since his marriage, he doesn't give a fuck either way. He's paid up pretty good from 70's Show and Nikon, and he's married to Demi Moore. A seriously respectable career in film is nothing this guy is concerned with. The are some of the better moments in the film, like when the credits roll, or whenever Jen's parents (Catherine O'Hara and Tom Selleck doing what they do best) are on screen. Pity there screen time wasn't as large as the pretty stars'. What would the movie have been like if O'Hara and Selleck were in Kutcher and Heigl's shoes....? Hmm... Aw, yes. Now, we're getting somewhere. Let's drive with that idea to interesting-ville at break-neck speed in Spencer's red Ferrari. Time to Dipset! Dipset!

Munki out.

P.S. I full appreciate Shakespeare and everything he did for the world of theater. I made the "not enough to redeem the whole play" comment speaking in the context of the uneducated commoners that didn't give a damn about stuff like art and making history.

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