My Friend, Roger Ebert

This one is difficult--I've never had to write an obituary before. 

(Takes deep breath) Okay. . .

Destino

I was going to try and spin a little song and dance piece about how the loveliness and whimsical spirit of someone is released and brought to life in the beauteous nature of their love of life and art and being in love with love and in love with happiness or just the ideas of said natures and wanting the break free moments of ect, ect, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada, ksajdfn;laskjfh lksf ;lksfja ;lksjadf lkjdsflaj. . .

(Purses lips like a fucking horse.)

But fuck that idea. Dali' does not need my literary drivel for a lead-in.

Currently

At least these socks are comfortable. Gotta buy new boots, grab a new work knife.

Gotta get another pack of smokes, a 16 oz. of something strong and carbonated. 

Gotta get a haircut, maybe not off, but definitely shorter.

Gotta get a some more breakfast food, including OJ fa sho J.

Immense

A douchebag of my magnitude could cleanse a whale's vagina.

The Color of Love

On his side on the universe he sat on a bar stool at his local restaurant and bar where he knew every staff member, cook and even shook the owner's hand on a regular basis. He stared off into the half empty glass of his beer, Yuengling, great stuff. Some days he wouldn't even bother keeping track of which number he was on. Today was one of those.

2 Horrible Pieces Of News In 1 Day? Bro... Seriously?

This is no way to wake up. Not even the coffee (and it's good, I made it) can redeem my soul now...

Megan Fox tied the proverbial knot June 24th in Hawaii at the Four Seasons with Brian Austin Green A.K.A "The Longest Running Streak of Luck In The History of Women". Off and on since '04 they made it official and now there's no turning back (Short of an annulment? Am I that lucky?)  She had this to say:

 " We are just even more committed to each other and we always have been. I am more in love with him now than I was in the beginning."

There's still hope. This is Hollywood after all. Nobody really means anything they say or do... Right? ....Right?
Fuck...

(Is he wearing eye-liner?! C'mon!)


Oh wait, I'm not finished reporting the gems of today. 

To top off the (oil) spill of a great news day, one of the greatest TV heroes ever--Michael Scott of Dunder Mifflin Paper Company/Sabre--has resigned and stepped down as head branch manager. The upcoming season, 2010-11 will be his final.

Steve Carell's contract is up with NBC and he has chosen not to renew it. Even though, I'm sure he could have garnered a very lucrative contract with NBC. (Enough to fix the oil spill?) He essentially is the show's flagship. So what now? I heard a while back they wanted to start rotating people out, and new ones in, and keep it going, like a soap. Not such a bad idea, as long as the right people get involved. He went on to say that his fellow cast members are his "Best friends in the world."

Munki, most unpleasantly and disappointingly, out.

Have You Seen My Puppy?

Have you seen my puppy?
She's the cutest thing you ever laid eyes on
This puppy was mine once
And now she is gone

She ran away from me
I can't find her anymore

I listen for her puppy ruff
Or her dreadful puppy growl
She's real hot stuff

And with her gone I feel so foul

She has her cute puppy eyes

And her cute puppy feets

And we used to lay together

Underneath the sheets

Have you seen my puppy?

She has the cutest puppy voice

If she decides to let me hear it once again

It will be her choice

Have you seen my puppy?

Because she ran away

Now my throat is getting lumpy

And I'm in a state of dismay

Poop In Your Shoes Goes "Squish"

I'd rather be lonely than happy with somebody else

I intend to be independently blue

This woman who once was mine

Has bid me fucking adieu

The worst part is 

Her smile stays on

That lovely face of her's

Knowing that I'm gone

They always leave me

I can never make it last

The one I loved the most

Drove off so Goddamn fast

She bounced out the dirt town

To foliage up north

And although I wanted to

She said no back-and-forth

This lover's game

Is a dangerous one

I played with all my chips

And lost so now I have none

The poop in my shoes

Constantly goes "squish"

To have my puppy back

Would be my one wish

To hear her bark 

And hear her go ruff

This pain inside my body

I've had e-fucking-nuff

But she's lost forever

With no tags that say she's mine

She happier now

Without me she's doing fine

And I know this

And know that I'm not

For without her

My heart will surely rot

Inside then out

I'll wither to my core

Of this I have no doubt

I can't take it anymore

I've got a good excuse

Where's that bar

It's time for 'Nana juice

And I know that isn't far

With Her Magic

She put a spell on me, but not 'cuz I'm her's

It's merely for torture, so only pain occurs

She put a spell on me, so I'm alone when I'm out

All the people around, even the girls, and I'm still without

She walks her sexy walk
Cigarette in hand

No can tell her
Not any man

For she is the soul-eater

The heart-taker
The man-beater

The spirit-breaker

Her big eyes entice

Her kiss is concise

This woman will make you think twice

That just one night, will never suffice

This I must confess

Let me warn you now

She is most dangerous

And I'll tell you how

When that soft voice enters your ear

You'll give her anything you hold dear

You may not feel it first

But in time, your heart will burst

Over this beautiful baby

And then you are cursed

Yes sir

I take great pity

On the one who falls

For the girl in Foster city. . .

Too Much Banana Juice = Drunk & Still Hurts Like Shit

He drinks his 'nana juice, but it never makes him better
The sadness he wears, might as well be a sweater

He never asked for this, servitude to torture
The love he gave her, could grow a whole orchard

The banana juice, get's him nowhere
His "off-the-market" hopes, he does not have a prayer

So this monkey drinks, his monkey 'nana juice
As the alcohol abuse, lets him fuckin' loose

Swinging on the vines, or climbing up a tree
No matter how how high he gets, she'll never see



That this is one monkey, that needed her so
And her shinning face, has left him long ago

'Nanas and 'nanas can never quite quench
His hunger and thirst
That he had for that monkey
When he saw her first

Hoppity and brown, this animal remains
Holding labor-pains of love, down inside his veins

Poop is the color of his skin
And shit happens... only to him

A Sad Lonely Bitch Of A Penguin

In an igloo full of penguins or a club inhabited 

This is the way it works

This penguin is alone 

No matter where he lurks

His tears are dried to icicles, before they hit the snow

Staying on his beak, with no where else to go

Like the time they left each other 

and they both watched as the tears 

Came streaming down their faces 

Showcasing their inner fears 

He watches as the reflection, shows him his penguin face

And it how registers in him, how he is a disgrace

She left first for silly reasons, and then just for good

Now he sits on his ice block, just feeling misunderstood

She does not care the pain she causes, or the strife that she ensues
For why bother with the old penguin, when she can go anew?

So for now, and maybe always, this penguin will sit jaded
Feeling the ultimate loss, lonely and downgraded...

Let's Try This

Disclaimer: Please note to thyself, I do not consider yours which is truly, a poet by any means on any plain of any space and/or time.

So with that being said, this person won't know it (because they don't follow my blog or even know it exists), but I'm sued-o mocking them. Plus, the description of something I was telling my extremely funny and good friend last night, gave him inspiration to unintentionally provide me with a good jumping off point. So I'll take the first line he gave me and go from there. . .